"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" Review... It's Bad, Really Really Bad

So, it's a few weeks late, but I avoided the critics and went to see The Sorcerer's Apprentice (SA). Maybe I should have listened? No! That's why we see movies ourselves, to develop our own opinions. So, here was my thinking.

Nicolas Cage, I like him. Jay Baruchel, I like him. Alfred Molina, I like him too. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, I love his movies. So far so good. The story of a sorcerer having to teach a young man the tricks of his trade, pretty cool idea. Let's get into what really happened, not what I was hoping to happen.


What I liked about the movie:
The Special Effects

This is no longer a factor strong enough to hold a movie up on its own. I remember the mid-1990's, terrible movies were AWESOME because we'd never seen special effects before, more specifically computer generated effects. SA has some incredible stuff in it. Nothing new per say, but it was visually stunning to look at. I especially loved the broom scene that was talked about so much before the movie launched.

What I didn't like about the movie:
The Story
I think there was a lot of potential wasted on this film. I know Hollywood is all about time=money, but this is ridiculous. The story of SA was there, the script was not! If they took the story, spent another 6-12 months tweeking it, I don't think I'd be writing this section of my review right now. Centuries ago, this person betrayed this person, then that person got locked away in a contraption, only to accidentally be released years later, blah freakin' blah. It was so stupid. This amazing sorcerer (Cage), can't stop a 9 year old little runt from fumbling and bumbling his way into trouble? What the hell man? Give us, the audience, some credit will ya?

Then there's the GOD AWFUL love story, sub-plot garbage. This girl wanted that guy, not the other guy, so the other guy got jealous and joined the other girl in betraying the first guy. Did you get that? Yea I got it, but it's ludicrous. For God's sake, who cares?! Stupid. Monica Bellucci loves Cage's character, not Molina's character, blah blah, I don't care.

The Acting
Every actor/actress in this movie should be ashamed of themselves for the performances they phoned in. I want an apology from each and every one of the them, including the extras. OK, I'm being a bit dramatic, but literally every performance is forgettable. The one performance I was disappointed in most was that of Jay Baruchel's. I just gave him props when I reviewed She's Out of My League, and now I'm scratching my head. He plays the same, dorky, neurotic character in League that he does here in SA. I like Baruchel, but this movie will be the low-point of his acting career.

The Direction
It's not all the actors and writer's fault this movie was as bad as it was. Jon Turteltaub stunk up every scene in the movie. The pacing was off; within seconds we're running, then crawling, then running again. The editing was terrible, choppy and unorganized. The score SHOULD have been memorable and worthy of a summer blockbuster. It was forgettable at best. Shoot, even wardrobe sucked. Turteltaub is to blame for 80% of the movie's awfulness. Yes, movie making is a collaborative effort, but Turteltaub has the final say so.


I am not being "harsh" on this one, folks. Go see it and join my hatred for this film. I was so mad, so upset at the nonsense movie I saw, I literally text dozens of my friends my hatred for the film. It was a waste of time, money, and... time. I will never listen to the critics when it comes to my choice of films, but damn they were right. With a 42% on Rotten Tomatoes, you can see where my hatred is coming from. GOD I HATED THIS MOVIE!

Quickie: Jerry Bruckheimer confirms Bad Boys 3 script

I just want to post a real quick quote from super producer Jerry Bruckheimer about the development of Bad Boys 3; brought to us by comingsoon.net:

It's a wish and a hope and a dream. We've been working on a screenplay, which is excellent. It's an idea Will [Smith] gave us, so hopefully, it will come to fruition, we would love it to.

So it seems like the story was written by Will Smith, and brought to life by Bruckheimer and company. I talked about this months ago, and look at a sequel as a way to forgive everyone involved with Bad Boys 2.

That movie (part 2) is so bad, so awful, I'm ashamed to be an owner of the DVD; in my defense, I didn't see it in theaters because I was out of the country for 6 weeks, so I'm forgiven. I really hope there's some redemption in the third movie for Michael Bay (director of the first two), Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. Part 1 made everyone involved a star and was so funny, so action packed, it sort of brought back a genre. The buddy-cop action comedy. So we'll see!

Quickie: Bad Boy 3

The Hollywood Reporter announced that a third Bad Boys film is in the works, and a writer has been hired. Peter Craig has been hired to write the script. There's no promise that Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, Will Smith OR Martin Lawrence will be involved at this point. And remember my review of Revenge Of The Suck? Here's the quote:

The movie will win one award this season... Michael Bay's worst movie ever. Previous winner: Bad Boys 2.

YEAH I SAID IT! Bad Boys 2 was bloody awful!

So would you even want to see a Michael Bay 'Bad Boys'? Let us know what you think in our comments.

Quickie: "Prince of Persia" posters!

The official posters of "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" have been released by Empire, and they look great.

I remember Tony being excited for this movie ever since the first pictures were released of Jake Gyllenhaal in costume. I myself rushed out and got my hands on a copy of the best-selling PS2 game to play before the movie comes out.

The film is being directed by Mike Newell ("Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"), so there should be a decent amount of story. It's being produced by action movie producer guru Jerry Bruckheimer, so I'm guessing that this movie will most likely feature cool looking acrobatic moves over the story. The movie, after all, is based on the Ubisoft video game series, which itself is based on a classic side-scrolling game. I hope these posters will prove me a bit wrong...

The movie will co-star Sir Ben Kingsley Alfred Molina, and Gemma Arterton as the Princess.

Let's hope the film's look and feel match the artsy feeling of these posters.
Awesome work from Disney here.

Prince of Persia footage!!!

Everyone remember the video game Prince of Persia? Well it was pretty ground breaking at the time, with it's gravity defying movies and flash forward action. The game is being adapted into a big budget movie by none other than Jerry Bruckheimer. The movie stars Jake Gyllenhaal (who got freakin' ripped for this movie) and is directed by Mike Newell, who directed one of the Harry Potter movies and DONNIE BRASCO! Check out the short clip.